Table of Contents Show
People around you criticize you for actions you undertake, or things you’ve said can be very unpleasant. I found an excellent approach to dealing with criticism, and I’d like to share my experience with you.
As said, everyone will face criticism in their lives at some point in time. And it’s completely normal. Problems only arise if you are not used to it or have never learned how to deal with it properly. It’s all about your and your acquaintance’s mindset.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain, but it takes character and self-control to understand and forgive.
Dale Carnegie
Coping with criticism
You can learn much from criticism if it is delivered and taken the right way. Constructive feedback can be a gift. I experience this a lot with my mentor and CEO of the agency I work for. Over the months and years, it turned out that he became my coach, and I am more than grateful for it.
I learned from how he delivers his feedback to me that it’s all about respect. Respecting other people, different opinions, and different points of view makes a huge difference. There is something else he teaches me all the time: It’s ok to disagree. Dealing with criticism does not mean you have to agree with it.
First, I’d like to talk about constructive and destructive criticism before we head on to some questions I get asked regularly. This is because both forms of criticism usually challenge your ideas, character, abilities, or actions.
Destructive criticism
Before telling you what side effects come from destructive criticism, I want to tell you more about its definition.
Destructive feedback is a type of criticism intended to harm, undermine, or even destroy someone’s self-esteem, reputation, or creation. Most of the time, destructive criticism is delivered publicly to diminish the abilities and personality of someone.
I will cover what leads to destructive criticism in a separate article.
How can you protect yourself from destructive criticism?
- Identifying it in a neutral state of mind
How we all perceive criticism is always up to us. If we take it less personally and use it to learn something from it, it’s constructive. If you take it personally, it’s most of the time destructive. But, there is a difference in how criticism is delivered to us. If you feel that someone did not criticize you objectively, I can encourage you that you are confident in your perception. Destructive feedback is never your fault, so don’t take it personally. - Don’t let it touch you
That’s hard to accomplish, I know. Since destructive criticism is designed to hurt you on a personal level, it’s hard to remember that what you hear does not reflect who you are. Of course, some parts might be genuine, and you should consider it. But if it continues, you better consider giving up on the person or group of people constantly criticizing you badly. As a side-note here: I found it very interesting how different some cultures handle criticism. - How to deal with regular criticism
When destructive criticism keeps regularly coming from one person, the only advice I can give is: Confront it or run from it. Some situations might require additional measurements like documentation or having someone else involved.
Constructive criticism
On the opposite side, there is constructive criticism. I highly differentiate between feedback and constructive criticism, by the way. Constructive criticism is usually about acting incorrectly in a specific situation. Whereas you can give feedback in any situation.
Trusting your gut feeling can tell whether someone is criticizing you constructively or destructively.
Constructive feedback is usually honest, clear, easy to implement, and direct. Its primary purpose is building up or coaching someone. In a best-case scenario, it should also guide you or suggest to you what to improve on.
The benefits of constructive criticism
So coming from what I already mentioned above, it’s pretty straightforward. Whether the constructive criticism is provided in a work environment or a personal relationship, it should provide you with actionable steps.
People lose a lot when working, living, or befriending others for a while. I take this very seriously with my employees. It’s essential to give and receive context around how to improve. This helps to understand why the feedback was provided.
You can learn more about how to provide constructive feedback in one of my last articles.
Conclusion and some personal insights
What I’ve learned from receiving feedback is the following:
- Don’t take it too personally as long as the feedback is positive. If it’s constructive, you can feel that nobody wants to harm you. Instead, they like to help you improve and grow.
- If you are in an environment where only destructive criticism is provided, you should better run. If you feel that you can cope with it, meaning ignore it, you can stay. Based on my experience, sometimes it can be worth staying in a place even if it’s highly toxic.
- Listening is critical when you receive feedback. Usually, you can learn a lot from it. Not only about yourself but also about the one you are talking to.
- Work on it and take it seriously.
What I’ve learned from providing criticism and feedback:
- Be respectful, give feedback in a private environment, and allow yourself to reserve enough time for a feedback meeting.
- Think before you talk. Think about what exactly you want to come across.
- Go to a feedback meeting with the best intentions possible.
- Provide feedback in a timely fashion. From my experience, within a few days after something occurred to you is a reasonable timeframe.
Recommended Books
There only seems to be one book that I can really recommend. The book Thanks for the Feedback is from Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen.
Additional online resources
The University of Cambridge published a comprehensive article on that topic.
